Friday, 13 April 2018


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Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? How you ever wanted to change something about you you're not proud of? Have you ever wondered how to be you? 

One of my most embarrassing childhood memories is that I never liked to bath. Yep. It got soo bad that whenever I was on the spot light, I'd go pour water on myself and get out "bathed." 
Every time we'd share embarrassing moments my sister's would kill me with this story of mine. And I never knew how to explain this chapter of my childhood. Well, until I discovered my love for psychology and finally understood why.

It all started when my dad was relocated to work in Mombasa. We had to move here as well and after some years in the city, moved to its suburban side. Back then it was our house surrounded by thick untamed and beautiful forests that vibrated in peace and natural vibes all day and night. It was so secluded from the world that our house was the first with electricity in the area, and we were using inverted battery power. I miss the brightness of the stars under the blackness of the night. They all were my escape and I feel the glowing dust of freedom every time I think of them. I believe this is where nature made me it's emotion. Forever.

Anyways, being so remote, all our neighbors lived in mud huts. Most of the residents lived a life of hand to mouth; life minus all the tiny privileges like running water and leftover food. I had no friends and hadn't resumed school yet. And because I was the only boy, I wondered outside to play under the trees and in child innocence, acquainted with the other boys and we hang out. A lot. 
The one thing I remember is a couple of boys existing with fun and stories as we met up in the morning, hunt birds and play, eat mangoes for lunch and grace the evening looking like homemade camouflage of sand and dirt... Good times.

The intriguing thing for me in all of this is that, my reaction of taking arms against water, was simply a reflection of my friendship to my new friends. I was so close to them my subconscious made sure I didn't appear the odd one out among friends who considered me as the "rich" one.  This is the power our childhood holds regarding the people we are today. And as for me, I have a killer explanation to get back at my sisters mwahahahaha....ahem, let as proceed...

Right now we hide under layers and layers of deflecting qualities from the people we truly are inside. I was loyal to that lot even when they were not with me. And so many cases of such behavior exist, an instance of the boy who shaved every follicle on his head; from his hair to eyebrows; to support his best friend who had cancer. 

When we were children, we had no one to give except our true raw selves. If we liked something or someone, we were never afraid to show it nor did we think of what others might say. We were authentic. And there is nothing that comes close to being free and being authentic. That's why we have best friends; people we can share anything with and not worry doing so, or why meeting someone with the same likes is so exciting. Because we can be the one thing people have a hard time defining. We can be ourselves...

We live in a messy world today. People are these protective insecure sensitive balls walking around wrapped in translucent wrappers and tapes that are made from the material of socially acceptable norms. It is most probable that we will forget who we truly are beneath the wrappers. And when that happens, when you want to change who you are now, look into your childhood. And understand it. Only then will you understand who you are and why you are like so. Only then will you understand You.

And that is the first step of being authentic. Because at the end of the day, what is a life that is lived with the approval of others? 
PS, in olden times, this concept was known as Slavery. So choose your master wisely. 

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