Saturday, 17 September 2016
Reality Behind the Friend Zones
By Lubnah Abdulhalim
One of the craziest thing in 21st Century are the friend zone memes. They are hilarious, heart-felt by many people and just one other way to make the sad situation of rejection sound funny. Well the memes afterwards escalated. It came to bro zone/sis zone (which is considered worse than friend zone) life zone, neighbour zone, mzee wa mtaa zone (the guy who is always approached by his female friend to solve her couple problems), father zone etc etc. You know at one moment we all did that ‘moment of silence’ thingy for all the bros in the friend zone…and behind most of the ‘hahaha’ and ‘HA HA HA’ in the comment section of friend zone memes there is a lot of pain hidden.
So recently there has been too much excitement on the net of the newly found logo for friend zone (which is the most common zone. I guess the root zone?). And it’s so hilarious how people actually believe that such logos are necessary?
As much as I find the memes to be hilarious, I don’t believe in the literal existence of these zones. I don’t believe in a corner where a nice guy is shoved in simply because he is too much a friend. Let’s be realistic, open minded and honest here. We all have what we look for in a partner or what makes a potential spouse. So…
No such thing as friend zone because I believe in personal preferences, choices, fate, priorities and decisions and not the life zones we justify with. You could be yearning for a partner with sparkling beauty yet she could be searching for a man with brains like Einstein? You could be after a man with an ambition while he is after a woman with twice his ambition? You could be after a lady with principles yet she is after a man with religion? Someone is checking his bank balance and someone else is after his humility. It all depends on personal emotions and interests, otherwise, everyone out there can be a potential partner. It’s nothing to do with anyone being in any zone. It’s all a matter of if someone has an interest in you or not. It is all a matter of compatibility and bonding on another level. It is about having someone to spend your entire life with. And sometimes, that lady or guy in the friend zone or bro zone or whatever wouldn’t be the best choice. IT IS THAT SIMPLE.
You could be the sweetest peach as they say, the nicest guy but maybe you just don’t have the one thing she has prioritized in a partner. There is no way around it. And most of the times people only try to be nice and not hurt anyone’s ego by telling them ‘You are my good friend’ or whatever people say. They just don’t want you to feel like something is wrong with you or you are not worth them; it’s all about what their choices are and sometimes it is as much difficult for them too to make such decisions.
It is okay to console yourself with the memes, to embrace your pain and to laugh about it because you are not alone. But no it’s not okay to use it as a justification of why someone was rejected. See that guy who made it out of the bro zone? The silly girl finally realized his worth and perhaps understood that what is missing in him; he’s got something better. Not just because he squeezed himself out of the tight corner called bro zone. It is because she has now made her choice and made him a priority.
One other thing that people never consider is that however CLOSE you are to another person, when it comes to the real deal of making someone your life time partner, things change. High-peaked emotions are included here. The way a guy is with his girl best friend is not exactly the same way he would be if the same girl became his partner. This is because we now have expectations, deeper attachment, love associated with every action. So yeah it IS different…and sometimes, people are better off as they are, where they are; in those hypothetical zones.
If you want to deal with this kind of rejection then you have to believe in the choices others make even if they are not the best for you. You have to believe in fate; in accepting that not everything is going to go as you wish. That sometimes the person you see the best for you is actually not the best? That maybe that person is just not ready for such commitment or they already have a lot on their plate and cannot be emotionally available? That everything happens for are a reason. That perhaps God is saving you a whole lot of pain that would come from being with that person. Well it is difficult no doubt but if you want to get over this, you better find a better reason to justify your rejection rather than the zones. Because all these zones? They don’t exist…